How to stop crying: 8 tips when you can't stop the tears
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Ever wonder why we cry, or if you cry too much? Learn what causes people to cry and why it helps you feel better. Plus, how to stop crying and when to get help.
Everyone cries. But what do you do when the tears become uncontrollable, or if they happen at the wrong time? It’s important to understand why we cry, why it can be hard to stop, and whether we’re crying too much.
Why do we cry?
Crying is a fundamental human behavior that’s intertwined with our emotions, physiology, and social interactions. For babies, crying serves as a means of communication, conveying our needs and emotions to the world around us. As we grow older, crying continues to play a role in our emotional health, helping us release stress, seek comfort, and process our feelings.
Emotional expression and communication
When we experience intense feelings, such as sadness, joy, fear, or frustration, crying can be an outlet to release emotions when words fail. Crying can also be a powerful form of nonverbal communication, which can signal to others that we need support, comfort, or empathy.
Physiological response
When we cry in response to stress or emotional upheaval, our bodies release chemicals that can help to reduce our feelings of stress. This can bring relief and help alleviate emotional pain or tension.
The role of the brain
The brain's limbic system is involved in emotion regulation, including crying. This system includes the hypothalamus, which plays a role in the autonomic nervous system's response, influencing things like tear production in response to emotional stimuli.
Cultural and individual differences
Interestingly, the reasons we cry— and how we do it —can vary across different cultures and individuals. Some cultures view crying as proof of strength and openness, while others may see it as a sign of weakness. Similarly, individual differences in personality, upbringing, and personal experiences can influence our crying habits.
6 common triggers for tears
While the exact triggers for crying can vary, there are several common factors that can prompt tears. Recognizing these can help us better understand our emotional responses and those of people around us.
1. Emotional triggers: Sadness, happiness, anger, and frustration can all lead to crying. These feelings can stem from personal experiences, such as a loss, a significant life change, or even a moving book, film, or piece of music. The intensity of the emotion, rather than the type, often determines whether we cry.
2. Stress: Stress puts our bodies and minds under increased pressure, leading to a range of emotional responses, including tears. Crying in response to stress can help to relieve some of the built-up tension.
3. Anxiety and depression: Mental health conditions can heighten emotional sensitivity and alter the way we process our feelings, which can lead to crying.
4. Hormonal changes: Hormones can have a profound impact on our emotional state and can trigger crying. This is particularly noticeable during periods of hormonal fluctuation, such as puberty, pregnancy, or menopause. During these times, even small emotional stimuli might provoke a tearful response.
5. Physical pain or discomfort: Physical pain or discomfort can also cause crying. This is a primal response rooted in our need to communicate distress and seek comfort or aid.
6. Sensitivity to emotional stimuli: Sensitive people may cry more easily in response to both positive and negative emotions.
Does crying help you feel better?
Crying can help you feel better. When you cry in response to stress or emotional pain, your body releases chemicals which can help improve your mood, reduce pain, and relieve stress. Crying can also activate the body's parasympathetic nervous system, which helps it return to a state of balance, promoting a sense of calm and wellbeing.
Emotionally, crying can allow you to express your feelings, helping you to process and overcome your emotions. It's a natural, therapeutic way to deal with intense feelings, providing a sense of relief. Moreover, crying can signal to others that you need support, potentially leading to comfort and empathy from those around you.
Do I cry too much? How to recognize normal vs. excessive crying
Recognizing the difference between what’s perceived as normal and excessive crying can help us understand our emotional health and know when it might be time to seek additional support.
Understanding normal crying
Normal crying can be a healthy emotional response to various experiences, triggered by emotions such as sadness and frustration, or joy and relief.
Situational response: A direct response to a specific event, thought, or feeling, typically triggered by understandable and identifiable reasons
Relief: Crying followed by a sense of release or emotional lightness, indicating that the tears have helped you process your emotions
Identifying excessive crying
Excessive crying goes beyond the typical emotional responses and may indicate underlying issues.
Disproportionate reactions: Crying over minor incidents or feeling overwhelmed by tears without a clear reason
Lack of relief: Crying that leaves you feeling just as upset or more distressed without offering any catharsis or release
Impact on daily life: Crying that interferes with your ability to function in your daily life, affecting your work, relationships, or social activities
Factors contributing to excessive crying
Several factors can contribute to excessive crying, including mental health conditions like depression or anxiety, hormonal imbalances, or unresolved emotional issues. Stress, grief, and even certain medications can also influence your crying patterns.
When to seek help for crying
If you're concerned about the amount you're crying or if your tears feel uncontrollable and overwhelming, consult a professional. A healthcare provider can help you determine whether your crying is within the range of normal emotional expression, or if it indicates a more serious condition.
8 tips to help you help you stop crying in public or professional settings
While it's important to recognize that crying is a natural response to emotions, there are times when you might wish to control your tears, perhaps in public or professional environments. With the right strategies, you can learn how to stop crying when you want to— helping you maintain your composure while also acknowledging and respecting your emotional needs. Don’t look at it as trying to suppress your emotions, but rather, managing them in a way that feels appropriate for you.
1. Practice deep breathing
Deep breathing can be a powerful tool to calm the nervous system and reduce emotional intensity. When you feel the urge to cry, take slow, deep breaths. Inhale through your nose, hold your breath for a few seconds, then exhale slowly through your mouth. This can help decrease the immediate emotional response and provide a sense of calm.
💙 Release the pressure and Breathe Into Relaxation with guidance from Jay Shetty.
2. Use distraction techniques
Diverting your focus can prevent the onset of tears. Engage your mind in a different activity or thought process. For example, count backward from 100, focus on details in your surroundings, or think about a neutral or positive topic.
💙 Practicing Reframing Difficult Thoughts can help you cultivate feelings of positivity instead of focusing on the negative.
3. Blink and look upward
If you feel tears beginning to form, try blinking rapidly to help clear them away and prevent them from spilling over. Looking upward can also help keep the tears back, and it also affords a moment to regain your composure.
4. Ground yourself physically
Physical grounding techniques can help divert your attention from the emotional trigger. Press your feet firmly into the floor, clench and unclench your hands, or focus on the sensation of an object you're holding to help shift your focus from emotional distress to physical sensations.
💙 Learning the 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique can help you focus on your surroundings and get out of your head.
5. Develop a mental escape plan
Have a “happy place”' you can visualize when you feel overwhelmed. Thinking about a place or memory that brings you joy or peace can provide a mental refuge from stressors.
6. Excuse yourself if necessary
If you feel your emotions are becoming too overwhelming, it's okay to excuse yourself from the situation. This can also provide an opportunity to use other coping mechanisms like listening to music, practicing mindfulness, or calling a supportive friend.
💙 Learn how to Reset with the Breath and balance your body and mind in only three minutes.
7. Seek supportive connections
Reach out to a trusted colleague or friend for support if you can. Sometimes, sharing your feelings or the reason behind your urge to cry can reduce the intensity of the emotion.
8. Use relaxation techniques
Progressive muscle relaxation or visualization can help calm your mind and body. These methods can reduce overall stress and emotional reactivity.
💙 A 10-minute Body Scan can also help you reduce overwhelm.
How to stop crying FAQs
How can I differentiate between healthy crying and crying that needs attention?
Healthy crying is a response to specific situations, such as feeling sad, happy, frustrated, or overwhelmed. It's a natural way to express and process emotions, and it usually leads to a sense of relief or release. If your crying is situational, feels appropriate to the circumstance, and you feel better afterward, it's likely a healthy emotional response.
However, crying that’s frequent, intense, or seemingly unprovoked might require attention. If you find yourself crying excessively, without a clear reason, or if your crying doesn't provide any relief, it may indicate underlying issues. If your crying interferes with your daily life, such as affecting your work or relationships, it's a sign to seek professional help.
Can certain lifestyle changes reduce the frequency of crying episodes?
Lifestyle changes can influence emotional regulation and potentially reduce the frequency of crying episodes.
Regular exercise: Physical activity can boost mood and reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression, which can decrease the frequency of crying.
Adequate sleep: Getting enough rest can improve your overall emotional wellbeing and resilience.
Healthy diet: Nutritious foods can impact your mood and energy levels, contributing to better emotional balance.
Mindfulness and meditation: These practices can help you manage stress and become more aware of your emotional triggers, giving you more control over your reactions.
Social support: Building strong, supportive relationships can provide outlets for expressing your emotions and reduce feelings of isolation or stress.
How do mental health professionals approach excessive or uncontrollable crying?
Mental health professionals typically start by trying to understand the underlying causes of excessive or uncontrollable crying, so they can provide strategies to manage emotions more effectively.
Determining whether your crying is related to a mental health condition, such as depression or anxiety
Exploring circumstances that could be contributing to emotional distress
Recommending therapeutic approaches, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy, to help you develop coping strategies and work through emotions
Considering medication to treat a related disorder
What resources are available for people who struggle with emotional regulation?
If you're struggling with emotional regulation, several resources are available to help you understand your emotions and develop more effective coping strategies.
Mental health professionals: Therapists, counselors, and psychologists can provide support and strategies for managing emotions.
Support groups: A group can offer a sense of community and shared experiences, which can be incredibly beneficial.
Online resources: Websites, apps, and online programs can offer tools and information on emotional regulation and mental health.
Books and literature: These works can provide insights and techniques for managing emotions and improving emotional intelligence.
Workshops and seminars: Educational sessions can provide new skills and strategies for emotional regulation.
Calm your mind. Change your life.
Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn't have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life.
Images: Getty
