How mental load can impact your life (and 10 tips to manage it)
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Explore what mental load is and how it can affect your relationships and health. Plus, 10 tips for managing yours and how to talk to your partner about sharing the load.
Does your brain ever feel like a computer browser with too many tabs open? Sometimes it’s hard to stop making a mental list of all the things you have to do, like what to make for dinner, how to schedule your weekend activities, or whether you’ve replied to an important work email.
The invisible work that goes into managing everyday life is called the mental load, and if you’re feeling overwhelmed by it all, you’re not alone.
One of the problems with mental load is that it often isn’t obvious to others. You might feel like you’re always thinking about what needs to be done next, but those around you don’t always realize how much effort that takes. If you’ve made dinner, yes, your partner may have watched you cook, but they might not have factored in the energy that went into choosing the dish, finding a recipe, and carving out the time to shop for the ingredients.
This can be frustrating, especially if you feel like you’re the only one keeping everything together. It can also impact your relationships and even your health.
If your mind is working overtime, we’ve got some tips to help you manage.
What is mental load?
Mental load isn’t just about physically doing things, like running errands or folding laundry. It’s the mental effort that goes into planning and organizing all of it.
If you’re the one in charge of remembering everyone’s appointments, driving your kids to their after school activities, and meal planning, you’re carrying a heavy mental load. And while these tasks might seem small on their own, they add up fast. The never ending checklist running through your head can make you feel exhausted, overwhelmed or burnt out. (Not sure if you’re facing burnout? Here are 22 signs — and how to recover.)
Who does mental load affect?
Mental load can affect anyone, but it tends to impact certain groups more than others.
Research shows that women are more likely to carry a greater share of mental load, especially in households with traditional gender roles. This isn’t to say that men don’t experience mental load—they absolutely can and do—but in many households, women are still expected to manage most of the household planning, emotional labor, and care responsibilities, whether or not they're also employed.
Relatedly, many parents—especially mothers—report feeling overwhelmed by the mental load of managing their children’s schedules, meals, schoolwork, emotions, and extracurricular activities. Caregivers also often find themselves managing not just physical care but also appointments, medications, and emotional support for elderly relatives or loved ones who need extra help.
People who juggle complex job roles, deadlines, and meetings in fast-paced or high-pressure environments often experience a heavy mental load , especially if they're in a managerial position, as do students who balance their classes, jobs, extracurricular activities, and social lives.
How does mental load affect your health?
Carrying a heavy mental load can impact your mental and physical health. When you’re always thinking about what needs to get done, it’s easy to get overwhelmed. Plus, your brain never gets a chance to rest, which can lead to a lot of health issues. These might include:
Increased stress and anxiety: The constant need to manage tasks and responsibilities can lead to stress and anxiety. You might have a hard time relaxing because there’s always something left to do.
Burnout: When mental load is too high for too long, it can lead to burnout. You may feel emotionally exhausted or ineffective in your personal or professional life — and balancing the two can feel impossible.
Trouble sleeping: You may struggle to fall asleep or stay asleep because you’re thinking about what needs to happen tomorrow, what you forgot to do today, or what you might be forgetting. Lack of sleep only makes it harder to manage mental load, creating a vicious cycle where exhaustion and stress feed into each other. If this sounds familiar, try these six strategies to improve your sleep.
Strain on relationships: When one person carries most of the mental load, it can cause resentment and tension in relationships. If you’re constantly managing tasks for others, you might feel unsupported — and your partner may not even realize there’s an issue.
Physical health problems: Chronic stress from carrying too much mental load can lead to headaches, trouble sleeping, or even high blood pressure.
Emotional exhaustion: When you’re always caring for others, handling the invisible work of daily life can leave you feeling irritable and sad. It can be tough to give to others when you feel like you have nothing left for yourself.
9 tips for managing mental load
We know how easy it is to get overwhelmed by the endless to-do lists running through your mind, but there are practical ways to lighten your mental load. You don’t have to do everything on your own (even though it may feel that way), and small changes can start to transform how you feel day-to-day.
1. Write things down to get them out of your head
Instead of trying to hold everything in your head, start writing things down. Whether you use a physical planner, a notes app on your phone, or a basic to-do list, putting your thoughts on paper can help you feel more organized and in control.
Plus, this can help you have a clear picture of what actually needs to get done, making it easier to prioritize and stay focused.
2. Delegate tasks to share the load more fairly
If you’re managing the majority of the household chores, family responsibilities, or work tasks, start sharing the load with others. At home, talk to your partner, children, or roommates about dividing up tasks more evenly. At work, delegate tasks to colleagues or ask for help when things get too busy.
Letting go of control can be hard, but sharing responsibilities can help ease the pressure and potential resentment that can creep up when you’re doing more than your fair share.
3. Set boundaries to protect your peace
Saying yes to everything and taking on too much can add to your mental strain. We know it can be uncomfortable, but learning to say no to things that don’t fit into your schedule or aren’t a priority will help you free up more mental space. Here are eight tips to help you do it.
It will also help to create clear lines between work time, family time, and personal time. If you’re working from home, set specific hours when you’re available, and turn off work notifications after that.
💙 Tamara Levitt’s Relationship with Others series will teach you how to set boundaries — and so much more about how to cultivate healthier and happier connections.
4. Prioritize self-care to help you recharge
Taking care of yourself isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity — especially when you’re carrying a heavy mental load.
Prioritize activities that help you recharge, like taking a walk, reading a book, doing yoga, or simply enjoying a few minutes of quiet time to cut down on stress. Need more inspiration? Check out these 20-plus ideas to help you focus on yourself.
💙 You don’t need to take a vacation or do something extravagant to relax. Try Mel Mah’s Peace, an Inside Job for moves that can help you breathe a little easier.
5. Take regular breaks to prevent burnout
It can be tempting to just push through and keep checking things off your list, but taking short, regular breaks can help you reset and manage your mental load.
Step away from your lists—even just for five minutes—and do something that helps you relax, like stretching, breathing deeply, or grabbing a cup of tea. Giving your brain a break lets you come back to your tasks with more focus and energy.
💙 When you need a break, close your eyes and turn on the Midday Relaxation Break playlist for an instant lift.
6. Communicate your feelings openly
If you feel like you’re carrying too much, talk to your partner, family, or coworkers about how you’re feeling. They may not realize how much mental effort goes into managing everything, and clear communication can help them understand what’s on your plate.
You could also reach out to a therapist for support when you need it. Talking about what’s stressing you out and getting another perspective can be helpful for reducing mental load.
Sometimes, just knowing that someone else understands what you’re going through can help.
7. Use tools to stay organized
Use digital tools or project management software to help you keep track of appointments, deadlines, and daily tasks.
Consider how shared calendars or to-do lists with your partner or family might help you to distribute responsibilities more evenly. Having a system in place can help reduce the mental effort of trying to remember everything yourself.
8. Focus on what you can control
It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by everything that needs to get done, especially when things don’t go according to plan. So try to focus on what you can control, rather than worrying about things you can’t.
You can also break tasks into smaller, manageable steps and focus on completing one thing at a time to feel less overwhelmed.
9. Practice mindfulness to come back to the present
When you’re constantly thinking about what’s next, it’s hard to stay in the present moment, and you can miss out on actually enjoying the life you’re working so hard to plan. Practicing mindfulness can help you slow down and focus on what’s happening right now, which can reduce stress and boost joy.
Try deep breathing, meditation, or even just take a few minutes to focus on your surroundings. Try adding one (or more) of these 10 mindfulness exercises into your daily routine and see how it can shift your perspective.
How to talk to your partner about sharing the mental load
One of the biggest issues with mental load is that it often goes unnoticed by others — especially within relationships. If you feel like you’re carrying too much of the mental load, it’s time to talk to your partner about it.
Pick the right time: Choose a time when you’re both calm and able to focus on the discussion. Avoid bringing it up during stressful moments.
Explain the concept: Your partner may not realize what mental load is. Explain it’s about more than just physical tasks — it’s about the mental effort of organizing and keeping track of them. You might even share this article with them to help them understand what you’re talking about.
Share how it’s affecting you — and be specific: Describe what contributes to your mental load and how it makes you feel. Try, “I often feel overwhelmed because I’m always thinking about what groceries we need or planning the kids’ activities.”
Propose solutions: Come up with ways to share the mental load more equally. This might mean creating a task list that both of you contribute to, or setting specific responsibilities for each person.
Be open to compromise: Be open to your partner’s ideas and be willing to compromise. Maybe they have a different way of handling things that you haven’t considered. Aim to work together to create a more balanced approach, so both of you feel supported.
Be patient: Remember that it might take time for your partner to understand and adjust, but open communication is a good first step.
Keep the conversation going: Check in with each other regularly about how things are going and whether the balance feels right. You might find that certain tasks need to be shifted around, or that one of you is feeling more stressed and needs extra support.
Show appreciation: When your partner steps up and takes on more of the mental load, acknowledge it and thank them. Positive reinforcement goes a long way in maintaining a healthy, balanced relationship. And when you’re both working together to manage the load, take a moment to appreciate how far you’ve come.
Mental load FAQs
How do I recognize when my mental load is too heavy?
Recognizing when your mental load has become too much can be tricky, because it often builds up slowly. Look out for key signs that your mind and body are telling you something needs to change.
Constantly feeling stressed or anxious, even when you’re not actively doing anything
Always thinking about what needs to be done next
Finding it hard to relax, even in moments when you’re supposed to be unwinding
Feeling overwhelmed by small tasks, or having trouble focusing
Having a racing mind at night, which may disrupt your sleep
Feeling irritable or easily frustrated — especially about things that wouldn’t normally bother you
Can mental load contribute to burnout or depression?
Carrying a heavy mental load for too long can contribute to burnout or even depression. When you’re constantly managing all the invisible tasks and responsibilities of daily life, it can wear you down emotionally and mentally.
Burnout can happen when you’ve been pushing yourself for too long without taking enough breaks or asking for help. You might start feeling detached or emotionally drained, like you don’t have the energy to keep up with everything. You might also lose interest in activities you once loved.
Depression can also develop if the pressure of mental load leads to feelings of hopelessness or failure — when it feels like no matter how much you do, it’s never enough.
It’s important to recognize when you’re reaching this point. Look after yourself, just as you would any of the many responsibilities you’ve been carrying, and make changes before it gets worse.
If you start feeling trapped or overwhelmed by the mental load, it’s okay to ask for support from loved ones or a mental health professional. Even though it might feel hard to prioritize yourself, taking care of your wellbeing can help you take care of others.
How can mindfulness practices help reduce mental load?
Mindfulness practices can be a great way to help reduce mental load because they encourage you to slow down and focus on the present moment, rather than constantly thinking about everything you need to get done.
When you’re carrying a heavy mental load, your mind’s often filled with thoughts about the future — planning, organizing, and anticipating what’s next. Mindfulness can help you shift your focus away from that and get back to what’s happening right now.
Try simple practices like deep breathing (here are seven we like) or meditation to give your brain a much-needed break. When you practice mindfulness regularly, it becomes easier to let go of some of the mental clutter and create space for relaxation.
You don’t need to spend hours on it — just taking a few minutes a day can help you manage stress and feel more grounded.
What are some effective tools for organizing and delegating mental tasks?
Several tools can help you organize and delegate mental tasks more effectively. By getting things out of your head and into a system, you can reduce the mental effort of keeping track of everything yourself. This can make it easier to focus on the tasks at hand.
Use a calendar—either physical or digital—to keep track of important dates and deadlines, so you’re not constantly trying to remember everything.
Project management software and digital tools can help you manage personal and family tasks and schedules.
Create shared to-do lists to help distribute mental load, so your partner, family members, or coworkers can contribute to the list.
Use reminder apps to set alerts for important tasks, which helps take the pressure off your memory.
How do I set boundaries around my mental workload at work?
Setting boundaries at work can help you create a healthy work-life balance and prevent your mental load from spilling over into your personal time. It might feel difficult at first, but it’s a big part of managing your mental load and protecting your wellbeing.
Be honest with yourself about how much you can realistically handle. If your workload is too heavy, communicate this with your manager or team. Check out these 13 tips to improve your communication at work.
Be clear about what’s on your plate and what you need help with. You might say something like, “I’m currently managing X, Y, and Z, and I’m concerned that I won’t be able to complete everything to a high standard. Can we discuss priorities or get some additional support on certain tasks?”
Learn when to say no to new projects if your work calendar is already full. It can feel uncomfortable at first, but protecting your mental energy is important.
Establish clear working hours, especially if you’re working from home or in a role where people can contact you outside of regular hours. Turn off notifications and set clear expectations about when you’re available to work.
Calm your mind. Change your life.
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