Rejection sensitivity: what it is, signs, causes & how to cope
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Learn what rejection sensitivity is and the signs to look out for. Plus, possible causes and 7 coping strategies to manage rejection sensitivity.
Being rejected is never easy, but if you find yourself experiencing a strong, painful reaction every time you feel unaccepted, even in minor situations, you may be dealing with rejection sensitivity. It can be challenging to navigate these intense emotions, but by learning more about this disorder, you can find ways to cope with how rejection makes you feel.
What is rejection sensitivity?
Rejection sensitivity is when we have a strong reaction to feeling rejected, beyond the typical sting that most people feel. People with this type of emotional reaction get upset, sad, or angry when someone clearly tells them no, and especially when they feel a lack of acceptance or approval.
It's important to know that it’s normal to feel bad about being rejected. Everyone feels disappointed or hurt when they're not accepted in some way. But rejection sensitivity is a more intense and emotional reaction that is stronger —and goes deeper— than what others would expect.
This can explain why some people might avoid social situations, get easily upset in relationships, or react strongly to criticism. They're not overreacting on purpose—their emotional response is just higher because of their sensitivity to rejection.
What causes rejection sensitivity?
Rejection sensitivity can develop from a mix of experiences and factors, and taking time to understand these causes can help us feel more empathy for those who struggle with it, including ourselves. It can also help us recognize that the feelings are rooted in real experiences and traits and aren’t just overreactions. Rejection sensitivity can stem from the following:
1. Childhood experiences: If a child frequently faces criticism, harsh judgments, or lack of support from loved ones, they might start to feel more vulnerable to rejection. Bullying or exclusion by peers can have a similar impact.
2. Genetic predispositions: Some people might be naturally more sensitive to their environment and emotions, making them more likely to feel rejection deeply.
3. Mental health conditions: People with anxiety, depression, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and autism might be more prone to rejection sensitivity, particularly if they struggle with social cues.
4. Life experiences: Repeated experiences of rejection or failure can create a cycle in which a fear of rejection leads to avoidance, which can result in more feelings of isolation or rejection.
6 signs of rejection sensitivity
Recognizing the signs of rejection sensitivity is the first step to help us understand and address it, so we can find coping strategies, support from loved ones, or professional guidance to improve wellbeing and relationships.
Emotional pain: Intense emotional pain at the slightest hint of rejection.
Aversion to risk: Avoiding trying new things or taking risks due to a fear of failure or rejection.
Social anxiety: Avoidance of social situations or activities where we think rejection is possible.
Overanalyzing: Overanalyzing social interactions and dissecting interactions with others, looking for signs of rejection, even when there’s little evidence.
Rapid mood changes: Rapid mood changes may occur in response to perceived rejection, which can be confusing and stressful for everyone involved.
Need for reassurance: Frequently seeking reassurance from friends, family, or colleagues to confirm that you’re liked or have value is a sign of rejection sensitivity.
How to cope with rejection sensitivity: 7 coping strategies for feelings of rejection
There are many coping strategies that can help us manage and reduce the intensity of our emotional responses when we face rejection. Take time to explore these tips to find what works best for you.
1. Develop a strong support system
Building relationships with understanding and supportive people can provide a safety net. Knowing there are people who accept and value you can lessen the impact of perceived rejection from others. Reach out to friends, family, or support groups where you can share your feelings and experiences.
💙 Explore Unconditional Love and what it means to let in the people you love during these session from the Love and Relationships series.
2. Try cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a type of therapy that helps change negative thought patterns. It can be particularly effective for rejection sensitivity, as it teaches us to identify, challenge, and replace negative beliefs about rejection with more balanced and positive ones. Find a therapist who can help you build resilience.
💙 Dive into Jay Shetty’s 7 Days of Growth for a collection of sessions that may help you shift to more positive thinking and challenge your negative self-beliefs.
3. Practice mindfulness and meditation
Mindfulness can increase awareness of thoughts and feelings without becoming overwhelmed by them. Staying grounded in the present moment can help reduce the tendency to overanalyze past interactions or worry about future rejections.
💙 Cultivate self-love and nourish your big feelings with the help of Calm’s Relaxed Open-Hearted Presence meditation.
4. Build self-esteem through positive affirmations and accomplishments
Engage in activities that make you feel competent and successful. Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small, and use positive affirmations to reinforce your self-worth. Remind yourself of your strengths and accomplishments to help boost your confidence and reduce the impact of perceived rejection.
💙 Repeat affirmations as often as you’d like to remind yourself of your Worthiness.
5. Learn to reinterpret rejection
Instead of viewing rejection as a personal failure, try to see it as a natural part of life and an opportunity for growth. Not every rejection is about you personally, and a single rejection doesn’t define you.
6. Develop coping skills for emotional regulation
Learn techniques to manage intense emotions when they arise to help you regain control during moments of intense emotional pain. This can include deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or calming activities.
💙 Learn to steady your emotions during intense times by Anchoring With the Breath.
7. Seek professional help
If rejection sensitivity is significantly impacting your life, seek help from a mental health professional. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore your feelings, understand the roots of your sensitivity, and develop strategies to cope with it.
How rejection sensitivity impacts your mental health and wellbeing
There are several ways that rejection sensitivity links to mental health, so it’s important to find self-help strategies, support systems, or professional assistance to support your overall wellbeing.
Increased anxiety and depression: The fear of not being accepted—or the belief that you’re always being judged—can create a cycle of negative thinking. Constant worry about rejection can lead to heightened anxiety or depression.
Social withdrawal: Social interactions can help us maintain our mental health, but the fear of rejection can cause people with rejection sensitivity to pull away from social occasions and interactions. This isolation can lead to loneliness, which can worsen feelings of anxiety and depression.
Relationship challenges: Because people with rejection sensitivity can misinterpret neutral or positive actions as negative, they often find themselves embroiled in conflict. The constant need for reassurance can be taxing for partners, friends, and family members, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy in which the fear of rejection contributes to relationship difficulties.
Impact on self-esteem: Frequent perceived rejection can erode your self-esteem. When you take every rejection or perceived slight to heart, it can be easy to start believing you’re unlikable, which can significantly impact your confidence.
Links to attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and autism: Research suggests a connection between rejection sensitivity and conditions like ADHD and autism. Those with ADHD, for example, might experience more intense emotional responses, including sensitivity to rejection and anxiety.
Behavioral impacts: Fear of rejection can lead us to avoid situations where we feel there’s a risk of experiencing rejection, potentially limiting personal and professional growth. We might start to shy away from new opportunities, social events, or challenges.
Rejection sensitivity FAQs
Can rejection sensitivity be cured?
While there isn't a “cure” for rejection sensitivity, it can be managed effectively with coping strategies and support. Therapy, such as cognitive behavioral therapy, can help you learn to change your thought patterns and reduce the intensity of your reactions to perceived rejection. Building a strong support network, practicing mindfulness, and developing self-esteem can also be helpful coping strategies for rejection sensitivity. Focus on learning to cope and respond to feelings of rejection in healthier ways, rather than aiming to eliminate these emotions entirely.
How does rejection sensitivity affect relationships?
Rejection sensitivity can affect relationships because it can lead us to misinterpret neutral or positive interactions as negative. This can lead to a variety of issues, and can cause us to withdraw from relationships unnecessarily. However, by working on communication skills and understanding signs of rejection sensitivity, it’s possible to find coping strategies to build healthier relationships.
Are certain people more prone to developing rejection sensitivity?
Some people are more likely to develop rejection sensitivity due to factors like genetic predispositions, childhood experiences, and the presence of other mental health conditions. Someone who's experienced overly critical parenting, bullying, or other forms of social rejection might be particularly at risk. Also, those with ADHD or autism may be more likely to experience rejection sensitivity due to additional challenges with social interactions and emotional regulation.
Can mindfulness really help with rejection sensitivity?
Mindfulness can be a helpful coping strategy for managing rejection sensitivity. It can empower people with signs of rejection sensitivity to observe their thoughts and feelings without becoming overwhelmed by them. This can help provide a space to choose a more balanced and less distressing response to a perceived rejection.
What role does social media play in rejection sensitivity?
Social media can make rejection sensitivity feel worse, because it often highlights only the positive aspects of other people’s lives. When we’re scrolling through social media, this can lead to unhealthy comparisons, feelings of inadequacy, or worries about exclusion. The immediate nature of social media can also mean that we can feel perceived rejection (like not getting likes or comments) in real-time, which can intensify our fears and concerns. Being aware of how social media can impact our feelings and setting boundaries around its use can help manage and reduce these effects.
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