How to tell the difference between social anxiety vs. shyness
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Ever wondered why you’re nervous in social situations? Explore the difference between shyness and social anxiety and how to combat both.
Imagine this: you’re going to an event you’ve never been to before, it’s in a new place, and you don’t know many people. You’re not sure what to expect, and it’s making you nervous. Will there be food or should you eat before you go? What will the people be like? Will they welcome someone new? What if you don’t have anything in common? Have you chosen the right outfit?
Feeling nervous around others is natural, especially in new situations. So many of us feel this way, and we’ll often think of these nerves as shyness. For most people, though, shyness fades as they get used to a new setting or get to know the people around them.
But for some, social situations bring more than just nerves — they bring overwhelming fear, self-doubt, and a sense of dread that doesn’t go away easily. Social anxiety can make regular activities, like going to school, meeting up with friends, or even eating in public, feel like huge challenges. People with social anxiety worry about being judged or humiliated, and they may even avoid social situations altogether to prevent these feelings.
What is the difference between social anxiety and shyness?
Shyness is a personality trait where someone may feel a bit nervous, quiet, or hesitant around others, especially at first. It’s a normal reaction that often fades once they become familiar with their surroundings and the people they’re with. People who are shy may worry about making a good impression, but these feelings don’t usually stop them from joining in — even if they’re a little hesitant at first.
Social anxiety, also known as social anxiety disorder, is a mental health condition that causes intense fear and worry in social situations. People with social anxiety don’t just feel a little nervous — they can feel panicked, extremely self-conscious, and afraid of being judged. These feelings can become so strong that they avoid social situations altogether, including in relationships, work, and daily life.
Symptoms of social anxiety vs. symptoms of shyness
So you’ve noticed that you feel worried and self-conscious about hanging out with others, but is it shyness, or something more? While shyness and social anxiety both involve feeling nervous around others, they have different sets of symptoms and levels of intensity. Let’s take a closer look.
Symptoms of shyness
Shyness is usually a milder, temporary feeling that comes up when you’re in a new or unfamiliar situation. You might feel nervous or awkward at first, but these worries don’t usually stop you from interacting altogether, and they often ease up as you get more comfortable. Some common signs of shyness include:
Mild nervousness in new situations
Hesitation to take the first step in social situations
Discomfort fades and confidence increases over time
Symptoms of social anxiety
Social anxiety disorder involves much more intense and persistent feelings of fear and worry. You may feel extreme anxiety, even panic, in everyday social situations, and the symptoms don’t go away with familiar settings or repeated exposure. Below are some signs that point to social anxiety rather than shyness.
Intense fear of being judged or humiliated
Avoidance of social situations
Physical symptoms such as sweating, shaking, blushing, a racing heart, or nausea
Overthinking and replaying social interactions
Difficulty with everyday tasks like ordering food, making a phone call, or attending a casual gathering
Fear and anxiety often feel consistent, or even grow, unless treated
Effects of social anxiety vs. effects of shyness
Both shyness and social anxiety can affect how you interact with others and feel about yourself. From the outside, the effects might look pretty similar, but the impact on daily life tends to be very different.
Effects of shyness
Shyness, while sometimes uncomfortable, is generally manageable and doesn’t usually disrupt your life too much. You may find certain situations challenging, but as you adjust and become familiar with your surroundings, these feelings often fade. Shyness can affect your day-to-day in the following ways:
Temporary difficulty in new situations: You might feel a bit awkward or nervous at first in social settings, like finding it hard to introduce yourself or get involved in group conversations. However, with time and exposure, their nervousness typically decreases.
Lowered confidence in unfamiliar settings: Shyness can make you feel less confident in situations you’re not used to, like speaking in front of a group or approaching new people. But as you get more comfortable, your confidence usually grows.
Mild frustration or discomfort: You may sometimes feel frustrated with yourself for not speaking up or missing an opportunity. This feeling is generally temporary, and you can usually move past it with a little self-encouragement. But if you’re feeling frustration coming up, here are six ways to cope.
Less impact on social life and relationships: You might feel some initial hesitation when forming friendships, but you can still build close relationships. Your shyness might mean you take more time to open up, but it doesn’t stop you from creating meaningful connections — even if it takes a little longer. (Check out these eight tips on how to start a meaningful conversation.)
Effects of social anxiety
Social anxiety disorder goes far beyond temporary nervousness, and it can have a much stronger, longer-lasting impact. The intense fear of judgment and embarrassment can make daily activities feel daunting and can significantly affect mental health, relationships, and personal goals. Here are some common ways social anxiety might impact your life:
Becoming socially isolated: You often avoid social situations entirely to escape the stress and worry you feel. This can lead to loneliness and isolation, as you miss out on opportunities to connect with friends, family, and coworkers. Over time, avoiding social situations can make the anxiety worse, as it reinforces the fear of social interactions.
Not meeting your potential at work or school: Tasks like giving presentations, participating in meetings, or working with colleagues can feel overwhelming. This can impact school performance, limit job opportunities, and make it difficult to advance and explore your full potential. Here are eight tips on how to break the performance anxiety cycle.
Difficulty making and holding on to relationships: You might worry about being judged, feel too self-conscious to reach out, or fear making mistakes in conversation, which can make it hard to form close friendships or romantic relationships. Want to explore how to build deeper connections? Here’s how.
Reduced quality of life: Everyday activities—like shopping, eating out, going to family gatherings, or joining the gym—can feel like major challenges. This can lead to a limited, unfulfilling lifestyle where you avoid activities you’d otherwise enjoy.
Increased risk of depression and other mental health conditions: Constantly feeling anxious and avoiding social interaction can lead to a sense of hopelessness and a loss of self-worth, which increases your risk of developing depression. You may also experience other mental health issues, such as generalized anxiety disorder, as the stress and worry build up over time. Wondering if you have generalized anxiety disorder? Here are seven signs to look out for.
Impacts on physical health: Frequent episodes of anxiety can lead to headaches, digestive issues, muscle tension, and sleep problems. These can add to the feeling of exhaustion, making it even harder to face social situations.
How to combat social anxiety and shyness: 6 tips
It’s normal to feel nervous at times, but if shyness or social anxiety is making you feel uncomfortable or holding you back, there are ways to manage and reduce these feelings. Whether you’re dealing with mild shyness or struggling with social anxiety disorder, there are steps you can take.
Here are six practical tips to help you manage and combat social anxiety and shyness so you can gradually feel more confident and comfortable in social settings.
1. Challenge negative thoughts as they arise
People with social anxiety often imagine the worst-case scenario or assume others are judging them harshly. If you notice negative, self-critical thoughts, challenge them.
Ask yourself if there’s actual evidence that others are judging you or if it’s your anxiety speaking. Replace these thoughts with more balanced ones, such as, “It’s okay if I’m not perfect,” or, “People are more focused on themselves than on what I’m doing.”
Top tip: Write down negative thoughts as they come up and then list realistic, positive thoughts to counter each one. Doing this regularly can help you reframe your thoughts and reduce social anxiety. Here are 11 more techniques to stop negative thinking.
💙 Learn how to Challenge Your Negative Thoughts with help from clinical psychologist Dr. Julie Smith.
2. Ease into social situations
Facing social situations in small steps, or “gradual exposure,” can help you build confidence over time. Start with low-stakes interactions that feel only slightly uncomfortable, like asking a cashier how their day’s going, or making small talk with a neighbor.
Gradually work up to situations that feel more challenging, like going along to a group event or speaking up in a team meeting at work.
Top tip: Make a list of social situations that trigger your anxiety, ranking them from least to most intimidating. Start with the least intimidating situation and practice it until you feel more comfortable, then move up the list.
3. Use relaxation techniques to stay centered
Learn relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation, to help calm physical responses like a racing heart, sweaty palms, or shaky hands.
If you’re feeling anxious before a social event, take a few moments to focus on your breath. Inhale deeply through your nose, hold it for a couple of seconds, and then exhale slowly through your mouth. Check out these other seven deep breathing techniques to help you calm anxiety.
Top tip: Practice deep breathing or muscle relaxation at home so it feels natural in moments of anxiety. The more you practice, the more easily you’ll be able to use these techniques when you’re feeling stressed in social settings.
💙 Reset With the Breath and calm your mind in this 3-minute practice led by Jay Shetty.
4. Reach out to loved ones for support
Sharing your feelings with friends, family members, or support groups can help you feel understood and less alone in what you’re going through. It might sound like a scary step to take, but in a support group, you’ll likely find others who are going through similar struggles — and it can be comforting and encouraging to feel like you belong.
Top tip: If a support group sounds like it might be right for you, talk with your healthcare provider, or you can look up online or in-person support groups for people with social anxiety.
5. Practice self-compassion and give yourself grace
Learn to be kind to yourself, just like you’d be kind to a friend. Remind yourself that everyone feels nervous sometimes, and everyone makes mistakes every now and then — it’s okay to be imperfect.
When you catch yourself being self-critical, speak to yourself with kind, gentle words. Try these ten other ways to cultivate more self-kindness.
Top tip: If you’re feeling down after a social interaction, write down three things you did well. Maybe you smiled at someone or introduced yourself. It doesn’t matter how small they are, focusing on these positives can help you build confidence and self-acceptance.
6. Consider professional help to help support your journey
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can be helpful in treating social anxiety because it helps you identify and challenge negative thoughts and gradually face situations you’re avoiding. Talk to a therapist who can guide you through exercises and strategies that are specifically tailored to your needs. Plus, they’ll give you a safe space to practice.
Top tip: Look for a therapist who specializes in anxiety disorders or CBT. Many therapists now offer virtual sessions, which can be a less intimidating way to get started.
Social anxiety vs shyness FAQs
What are the main triggers for social anxiety?
Social anxiety is often triggered by situations where you feel you’re under scrutiny or at risk of being judged by others. Common triggers include speaking in front of a group, meeting new people, or being the center of attention in any way — even just walking into a crowded room. Everyday interactions, like ordering food, asking a question in class, or making a phone call, can also feel daunting if you believe you’ll be judged for saying the “wrong” thing or looking nervous.
These triggers can be tied to personal experiences, such as past bullying, rejection, or criticism, and family influences or personality traits, such as being highly sensitive to social cues, can also be a factor. Remember that these triggers are common, and with practice and coping strategies, it’s possible to feel more comfortable handling them.
Can shyness develop into social anxiety over time?
Shyness can develop into social anxiety, especially if you’ve had repeated negative experiences. Avoiding group activities and feeling self-conscious can lead to more intense fears of judgment or embarrassment over time, which can gradually lead to social anxiety. If you’ve been feeling self-conscious lately, these eight tips can help you thrive.
Life changes, such as starting at a new school or job, can increase social pressures if you’re already a little shy, and factors like high sensitivity to criticism or a lack of social support can also make it more likely you’ll develop social anxiety. If you feel your shyness is becoming overwhelming, seek support and coping strategies early on, perhaps from a therapist — it can prevent it from becoming a major barrier.
Are there medications that can help with social anxiety disorder?
Medications can be helpful for some people with social anxiety disorder, especially when combined with therapy. The most common medications prescribed for social anxiety are selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), such as sertraline (Zoloft) and paroxetine (Paxil). These medications help regulate serotonin, a brain chemical linked to mood and anxiety, and they can reduce symptoms over time.
Other types of medications, like beta-blockers, are sometimes used for short-term relief in specific situations, such as public speaking, because they can help manage physical symptoms like trembling or a racing heart.
However, medications don’t cure social anxiety — they’re just meant to reduce symptoms so you feel more capable when you’re facing social situations and benefiting from therapy. If medication is something you’re considering, speak with a healthcare provider to help you understand the options and find a treatment plan that feels right for you.
How long does it take for mindfulness practices to help with social anxiety?
Mindfulness practices like meditation and deep breathing can start to show benefits within a few weeks to a few months with regular practice. They can help you focus on the present moment and reduce anxious thoughts about social situations, making them particularly helpful for social anxiety.
Bring mindfulness techniques into your daily life—start with just five minutes—even when you’re not feeling anxious, to be better prepared for stressful situations. This can help you feel calmer and more grounded, making it easier to handle social situations with less anxiety. Here are five simple ways to practice mindfulness in your day to day.
What types of therapy are most effective for social anxiety disorder?
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is the most recommended therapy for social anxiety disorder. It can help you identify and challenge negative thought patterns that fuel anxiety, and replace them with more realistic thoughts to reduce anxiety in social settings.
Therapists often combine CBT with exposure therapy, a form of therapy that involves gradually facing triggering situations in a controlled and supportive way.
Group therapy can also be beneficial as guidance from a therapist and feedback from peers can help you practice social skills and connect with others facing similar challenges in a safe, understanding space.
Try different methods with a licensed therapist who understands social anxiety to find the best approach for you.
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