What to say when someone is having a bad day: 10 suggestions
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Discover 10 reassuring and comforting things to say when someone you care for is having a bad day. Plus, how to express empathy and be an active listener.
When someone you care about is having a bad day, finding the right words to comfort them can be tough. You want to help them feel better, but how do you know what to say?
Expressing empathy with words or gestures can be invaluable in showing someone they're not alone. Here’s how you can help your friend, relative, or coworker feel less isolated and more understood, no matter what they're facing.
Why empathy can be the best comfort
Empathy can help you connect with someone else's feelings. By knowing how to express empathy, you’re essentially telling your loved one, "I understand what you're feeling, and I'm here with you.” This is an acknowledgment that the person's emotions are real and important, which can bring comfort to someone who might feel alone or misunderstood. You're also helping create a safe space where they can share their thoughts and feelings without judgment.
Expressing empathy by knowing how to offer reassurance and understanding can strengthen your relationship with the person. It can show you're someone who cares enough to really listen to what they're going through in a deep and meaningful way.
However, it's essential to distinguish empathy from sympathy. While sympathy might involve feeling pity for someone and observing their pain from the outside, empathy is about connecting with and understanding their emotions. When you empathize, you're right there with them, feeling alongside them. Empathy can encourage a stronger connection and can be far more comforting than sympathy.
10 simple things to say to help someone having a bad day
Beyond words, explore practical actions and small gestures that can comfort someone, like offering to spend time together, doing a small favor for them, or sending a thoughtful message. It’s not always easy for someone who’s struggling to ask for something (or even know what they need), so consider offering clear options rather than just asking if you can help.
1. "I'm here for you, no matter what you need."
This is a powerful statement offering unconditional support that tells the person that — regardless of the situation — they can rely on you to be there for them.
2. "It's okay to feel this way."
Sometimes, people feel guilty or embarrassed about their emotions. Validate their feelings to help reassure them it's normal to feel whatever they’re feeling.
3. "You're incredibly strong, even on the days it doesn't feel like it."
Encourage the person by acknowledging their strength, even when they might not see it themselves. Remind them they have the resilience to cope.
4. "Would you like to talk about what's bothering you, or would you prefer to distract yourself for a while?"
Giving the person a choice shows respect for their needs and preferences.
5. "I'm always just a phone call away."
Reassure them you're accessible and willing to help, even if you can't be there in person.
6. "Take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere."
Let your loved one know there's no rush for them to feel better — you'll support them no matter what.
7. "I’m around today or tomorrow and can bring food or just come sit and listen if that sounds helpful."
Offer specific ways you can help to make it easier for the person to accept support, as they might not have the energy to ask for what they need.
8. "It's perfectly fine to have days when you're not at 100%."
Normalize the ups and downs of emotional wellbeing and help relieve the pressure to always feel okay.
9. "I really admire how you're handling this, even if it doesn't feel like it's going smoothly."
Acknowledge their effort and resilience to boost their morale and self-esteem.
10. "It might not mean much now, but I believe in you and your ability to get through this."
Express confidence in their strength and resilience to provide hope during challenging times.
How to be an active listener: 7 mindful tips
Active listening means fully understanding and engaging with what someone’s saying, so they feel safe and valued in sharing their emotions. It can show the person that their feelings and experiences matter to you, which can help them feel supported and understood during a tough time.
1. Give your full attention
When someone’s speaking, focus completely on what they're saying. Avoid distractions like looking at your phone or thinking about other things. Your full attention shows that you genuinely care about their feelings and experiences.
💙 Tune into Tamara Levitt’s session on Mindful Listening for guidance on how to become present in conversations.
2. Maintain eye contact
Look someone in the eyes when they're talking to show you're engaged and interested. This can help create a connection and make the person feel valued and heard.
3. Nod and use affirming words and statements make acknowledging sounds or statements
Use gestures like nodding or saying, "I understand," or "I see," to show you're following along and appreciate what's being shared.
💙 Improve your Listening skills with our Relationship With Others series.
4. Reflect back what you've heard
After the person has shared their thoughts, summarize what they've said in your own words. This demonstrates you've truly listened and understood. For example, "It sounds like you're feeling overwhelmed by your workload."
5. Ask clarifying questions
If you're not sure you understand something, ask for more information. This shows you care about getting a complete picture of their experience. "Can you tell me more about what happened?" is a great way to follow up.
💙 Explore how asking questions can help you create and maintain strong relationships in the Curiosity Builds Connection session of the Daily Jay.
6. Avoid interrupting
Let the person express their thoughts and feelings without jumping in too quickly. Interrupting can make them feel like you're not truly interested or that you're trying to take over the conversation.
💙 Learning how to cultivate Patience can allow you to listen fully without needing to respond right away.
7. Don't rush to offer solutions
Sometimes, people just need to vent. They may not even be looking for immediate solutions. Offer advice only if they ask for it, and focus on listening.
When to offer solutions vs. when to just listen
Knowing when to listen versus when to offer advice can be a true support for someone having a bad day. Tune into their needs and respect their preferences to find out how to offer reassurance and understanding, and show you're genuinely there to support them.
Knowing when to listen
Listening is often the best initial approach when someone shares their troubles.
Listen for cues: Sometimes, the person will explicitly say whether they want advice or just need to vent to someone who will listen. If they don't, try to pick up clues from their language or tone.
Validate their feelings: Before jumping to solutions, acknowledge their emotions. Say something like, "That sounds really tough," to show you recognize their distress.
Ask if they want advice: If you're unsure whether they're looking for solutions or just need to talk, it's okay to ask. Try asking, "Do you want my thoughts, or would you prefer just to share right now?"
Understanding when to offer solutions
There are times when advice or solutions are welcomed and can be simple things to comfort someone.
Wait for an invitation: Often, if someone wants advice, they'll ask for it.
Offer options, not mandates: When you give advice, frame it as suggestions rather than instructions. Use language like, "Have you considered," or "You might try…"
Be empathetic with your advice: Make your suggestions sensitive to their feelings and situation. Avoid minimizing their problems with quick fixes.
Balancing listening and giving advice
Striking the right balance between listening and advising requires attentiveness and empathy to ensure you're providing the support they need.
Check in with yourself: Ensure you're not projecting your own experiences or desires to fix things onto the person you’re talking to. Sometimes, our own discomfort with someone else's pain pushes us to offer solutions prematurely.
Encourage them to explore their feelings: Sometimes, talking things out can lead the person to their own solutions. Encourage them to express their thoughts and feelings fully.
Remember the power of presence: Simply being there for someone can be incredibly comforting. Your presence can offer stability and understanding that goes beyond words.
What to say when someone is having a bad day FAQs
How can I tell if someone wants advice or just needs someone to listen?
To figure out whether someone wants advice or just needs to talk, you can look for clues in how they speak or ask them directly. If they say things like, "What should I do," they might be looking for advice. If they're just sharing their feelings or a story without asking questions, they might just need to talk. The best way to know for sure is to ask them something like, "Would you like my opinion, or do you just need to vent?" This shows you're willing to offer what they need, whether it's guidance or just a listening ear.
What should I avoid saying to someone who's having a bad day?
When someone's having a bad day, avoid saying things that might minimize their feelings or make them feel like they're overreacting. Phrases such as, "It could be worse," or "You're being too sensitive," can make them feel misunderstood or dismissed. Avoid turning the conversation to yourself or your experiences unless it's genuinely helpful, or they ask. The focus should be on them and their feelings.
Can small gestures really make a difference when someone is feeling down?
When someone is feeling down, small gestures or a simple act of kindness can make them feel seen and cared for. This could be a text message to check in, or doing them a favor to brighten their day and make them feel less alone.
How can I be supportive if I don't fully understand what they're going through?
Being supportive doesn't always mean you have to fully understand someone's experience. You can show support by listening, being present, and showing empathy. Let them know you care and are there for them, even if you can't grasp every aspect of what they're feeling. You can say, "I can't imagine exactly what you're going through, but I'm here to support you."
What are some ways to follow up with someone after they've had a bad day?
Following up shows you care and are thinking about them. It can remind them they're not alone and that you're a consistent source of support.
Call or text to ask how they're feeling after a little time has passed.
Offer to meet up for a coffee or a walk
Send a thoughtful note or a small gift.
Calm your mind. Change your life.
Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn't have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life.
Images: Getty
