Dating someone with anxiety? 14 tips to help you navigate it
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Explore how to navigate dating someone with anxiety, including ways to help them, what to say (and what not to say), and 14 tips to help you build a supportive relationship.
POV: You’ve met someone you really vibe with, and you’re loving spending time with them. You like the same movies and the same ice cream flavors, but for some reason, certain types of date night activities don’t seem to work for them. You begin to wonder if maybe busy restaurants freak them out, or if some social occasions make them so uncomfortable they can’t enjoy themselves.
When someone you care about feels overwhelmed by worries, avoids certain situations, or needs reassurance, they could be dealing with anxiety. As someone who cares about them, you probably want to do all you can to help them, but trying to “fix” their anxiety might actually make them feel less comfortable.
Dating someone with anxiety can have some unique challenges (alongside all the great stuff). Even if their anxiety is not directed at you, it can still affect your relationship by impacting what you can do, where you can go, and how often you get to do it. This can be especially tricky if you’re the kind of person who enjoys being out in the world or around other people.
But it’s absolutely possible to manage these ups and downs and build a solid relationship. Here’s what you need to know.
What is anxiety, and how can it impact relationships?
Anxiety is a mental health condition that can lead to constant overwhelming worry and stress. It can affect people in different ways, but sometimes makes everything feel like a daily internal battle — even when things seem fine on the outside.
The intense feelings can lead to behaviors that might seem confusing or even hurtful when you’re in a relationship with someone who’s managing them. Here’s what it looks like and why it happens.
Constant worrying about the relationship: People with anxiety often worry about things that others might not think twice about, like overanalyzing everything you say or do, wondering if it means something’s wrong. This worry isn’t because they don’t trust you — it’s because they’re constantly managing “what-ifs” in their mind. Relationship anxiety is real, and these six signs can help you spot it and navigate accordingly.
Needing extra reassurance: Your partner may often want to hear that you care about them, or that things are going well in the relationship. They may not be insecure in a typical sense, but finding ways to feel more stable and safe might help them cope with their anxiety.
Avoiding certain situations: Anxiety can sometimes make social occasions, crowded places, or new experiences feel overwhelming, so your partner may avoid things that you’d otherwise enjoy doing together — like going to a party or trying a new place to eat. They’re not being difficult, dull, or unsupportive, they’re just trying to manage their anxiety.
Emotional withdrawals: When anxiety becomes too much, your partner may need space to process their feelings or recharge. This might mean they don’t answer messages, or they need more time alone.
14 tips for dating someone with anxiety
When your partner is in the middle of feeling anxious, it can be hard to know exactly what to do or say. Anxiety can bring up a lot of intense emotions, and you may worry about doing the “wrong” thing or accidentally making things worse.
Supporting someone with anxiety doesn’t mean you have to be perfect, just ready to be there for them. Here’s how to help a partner who’s struggling with anxiety.
1. Communicate openly and honestly with them
People with anxiety often worry about misunderstandings, so make space for open, honest conversations. Ask your partner how they’re feeling, and let them know they can talk about their anxiety with you. Ask simple questions like, “Is there anything you need right now?” or “What can I do to help?”
2. Educate yourself about anxiety so you can better support
Anxiety isn’t always logical, and it can feel frustrating when things trigger worry unexpectedly. Read up on anxiety, or talk to a therapist yourself for advice, so you can respond with more empathy and avoid misunderstandings.
3. Be patient with their journey
Anxiety can make some things—like becoming closer, opening up, or trying new things—take more time. Rather than pushing your partner to keep up with your pace, give them space to go at their own speed.
4. Respect their boundaries and meet them where they are
Your partner might need limits around certain situations, topics, or activities that trigger their anxiety, like avoiding crowded places or keeping discussions about specific issues short. Let them know you’re okay with their boundaries, and you’re there to help work through any issues together, if that’s what they need.
5. Be aware of their triggers
It’s handy to know if certain situations, places, or phrases worsen your partner’s anxiety — maybe talking about big life changes or going to certain kinds of social events. If they’re not ready to share, look out for clues about what makes them uncomfortable (here are 16 common anxiety triggers).
6. Offer support rather than solutions
Many of us want to “fix” things when someone we love is struggling with everything around them feeling chaotic and overwhelming, but offering advice may not always help. It can even feel dismissive.
Instead, focus on being supportive, as a simple “I’m here for you” or “I understand this is tough for you” can mean a lot.
If you think they might appreciate help, gently ask, “Is there anything I can do to help you right now?” rather than guessing what they need. They may ask for something specific, like holding their hand or giving them space. Try to keep your tone soft and relaxed, and avoid looking or sounding panicked.
💙 Learn how to Hold Space for your partner in Tamara Levitt’s Relationship with Others Series.
7. Trying breathing or grounding techniques with them
Anxiety often speeds up the heart rate and makes breathing feel shallow or panicked. If they’re open to help, gently encourage your partner to focus on you as a steady, grounding presence. Talk them through taking slow, deep breaths, which can help slow down their body’s anxious response (here are seven breathing exercises to help calm anxiety).
Try other grounding exercises together, too, like the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 technique — notice five things you see, four things you feel, three things you hear, two things you smell, and one thing you taste.
8. Remind them that it’s okay to feel what they’re feeling
Anxiety can make people feel guilty or frustrated with themselves for feeling this way. Let your partner know it’s okay to feel however they feel, and that you understand they’re not choosing to be anxious.
9. Be okay with silence if they need it
When someone’s anxious, you might want to fill the silence with reassurance or words of comfort. But sometimes, the best thing you can do is stay quiet and give them space to gather their thoughts.
Sit with them quietly or hold their hand if that feels right, to show support without overwhelming them by talking.
10. Try not to take their anxiety personally
If your partner sometimes seems distant or withdrawn, it can feel confusing or even hurtful. But it might not be a reflection of how they feel about you, just their overthinking, self-doubt, or needing time alone. Give them the space they need to process and come back to you.
11. Encourage them to seek professional help, if needed
If they’re struggling to cope or feel that anxiety is affecting their quality of life, encourage your partner to talk with a mental health professional so they can find ways to manage — plus the tools and strategies may also benefit your relationship. Let them know you’re there for them, whatever they decide.
12. Create a calm environment together at home
Spend time together in relaxing spaces that don’t feel overstimulating. Enjoy parks or quieter cafes, or explore relaxing activities at home together, like reading, doing puzzles, or practicing mindfulness. By creating a safe space where they feel comfortable, you’re helping them manage their anxiety and making it easier to enjoy time together without added stress.
13. Check in with them when appropriate
After your partner’s anxiety has lessened, gently check in with them. When the time feels right, ask them how they felt about your support. Did you give them the right amount of space — or did they feel you were distant, or smothering? Ask if there’s anything else you could do that might help next time. Try not to overwhelm them with questions, just make sure your focus is on listening and understanding.
💙 Explore how to show up for your partnership through Supportive Listening, with guidance from Jay Shetty.
14. Take care of your own wellbeing
Supporting other people’s feelings can be challenging, but taking care of yourself is one of the best ways to be a strong, helpful partner. Find outlets for your own mental health — like talking to friends, taking time for hobbies, or seeing a therapist yourself. These 20 self-care practices can help.
What to say and what to never say when your partner is anxious
When someone you love is dealing with anxiety, knowing what to say can help your partner feel supported and validated rather than misunderstood or dismissed. It’s okay if you don’t always get it perfectly right, what matters most is that you’re trying, listening, and learning.
Things to avoid saying when your partner is anxious
“Just relax!” or “Calm down.” This can feel dismissive.
“Why are you worrying about that?” or “It’s not a big deal.” This minimizes their feelings.
“You’re overreacting.” This is a form of shaming and often leads to more anxiety.
“You’re being irrational.” Again, this is shaming, not supporting.
“You need to stop worrying so much.” This is unrealistic and may increase their stress.
Helpful things to say when your partner is anxious
“I’m here for you if you need to talk.”
“How can I support you right now?”
“I understand this is hard for you, and that’s okay.”
“Take all the time you need.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“I can see this is making you feel anxious, and I’m here to help.”
“I know this feels really intense right now, but you’re not alone. I’m here with you.”
“Let’s focus on one small thing we can control right now.”
“Is there something I can do to help make this easier?”
Dating someone with anxiety FAQs
How do I help my partner during a panic attack?
If your partner experiences a panic attack, the best thing you can do is stay calm and supportive.
Stay calm and grounded: Speak in a gentle, soothing voice, and let them know you’re there for them.
Encourage slow breathing: If they’re open to it, gently guide them to focus on their breath to help them calm their “fight-or-flight” response. One effective technique is the “4-4-4” method: breathe in for four seconds, hold for four, and breathe out for four.
Use grounding exercises: Panic attacks can make someone feel disconnected or overwhelmed. Help them focus on sensory details (five things they see, four things they can touch, three things they hear, two things they can smell, and one they can taste) to bring them back to the present moment.
Respect their needs: Some people may want space, while others may prefer a comforting touch like holding hands or a gentle hug. Ask, “Would you like me to stay close or give you space?”
Help them recover afterward: Panic attacks can be physically and emotionally draining, so help them find a quiet, comfortable space to recover afterward, and let them take all the time they need.
What should I avoid saying to someone with anxiety?
Be mindful of the words you use to support your partner. Switch out dismissive phrases for more supportive ones to help them feel able to share their struggles.
Avoid: “Just calm down” or “Don’t worry about it.” Instead try: “I’m here for you” or “It’s okay to feel how you feel.”
Avoid: “It’s not a big deal” or “You’re overreacting.” Instead try: “I can see this is really affecting you, and I’m here to listen.”
Avoid: “You’re being irrational” or “Just think positive.” Instead try: “I know this is hard, and I’m with you every step of the way.”
Can mindfulness improve anxiety in relationships?
Mindfulness can be very helpful for both partners when one of you experiences anxiety, so set aside a few minutes each day to meditate, practice breathing exercises, or just take a walk together without distractions. When you focus on the present moment with acceptance, it can help reduce stress so both of you feel more connected.
Breathing and relaxation can ease anxiety symptoms and create a sense of calm. Listening to each other fully, observing without judgment, and being present can help each of you feel seen and valued. When both partners respond thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively, especially in stressful moments, it can lead to fewer misunderstandings and more empathy.
How do I manage feelings of frustration when my partner's anxiety affects the relationship?
Feeling frustrated is a completely normal response, especially if you’re unsure how to help or if your partner’s anxiety impacts parts of your life together. Supporting your partner’s mental health doesn’t mean ignoring your own needs, though, so make sure you have ways to manage your feelings.
Acknowledge your emotions: Recognizing and accepting your own feelings is important. You’re allowed to feel frustrated, and it doesn’t mean you’re unsupportive. Here are six ways to cope with frustration.
Take care of yourself: Supporting someone with anxiety can be emotionally draining, so make sure you’re prioritizing your own mental health. Take time to recharge with things you enjoy.
Communicate honestly and gently: Share your feelings with your partner without blaming or criticizing. You might say, “Sometimes I feel unsure about how to help, and it can feel overwhelming. I want us to work through this together.” These seven tips can help you communicate your needs in the relationship.
Seek outside support if needed: Talk to a therapist or counselor to help you cope with these feelings, especially if anxiety is creating consistent stress in the relationship.
What are some signs that my partner's anxiety may need professional attention?
Encouraging your partner to seek help can be a sensitive topic, so reassure them that getting professional support isn’t a sign of weakness, but a practical step toward feeling better.
These are some signs that it might be time to encourage your partner to seek help.
Consistent interference with daily life: If your partner’s anxiety regularly means they struggle to manage responsibilities, go to work, or take care of themselves.
Avoidance of most social or personal activities: If anxiety is causing your partner to withdraw from nearly all social situations, relationships, or things they once enjoyed.
Frequent panic attacks or physical symptoms: If your partner experiences panic attacks or ongoing physical symptoms like headaches, nausea, or sleeplessness related to anxiety.
Difficulty managing emotions: If they struggle to manage anxious thoughts or cope with emotional stress in healthy ways.
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