When (and how) to tell a partner about your mental illness history
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Anxious about telling your partner about your mental illness history? Explore why it's important, when the best time may be, and 8 tips for how you can share mindfully.
Starting a new relationship is a wonderful, fun and exciting time, full of possibility and anticipation. But if there’s something on your mind and you’re not sure how or when to share it, it can gnaw at you and potentially keep you from building a deeper connection with your partner.
Lots of us have a history of dealing with mental illness, but that doesn’t mean it’s always easy to talk about it — especially when it comes to telling a romantic partner.
So how do you know when it’s the right time to bring it up? Could sharing this part of yourself change how this person feels about you? While it might feel scary, opening up to your partner about your mental health history can help you feel closer and understand each other better. Here’s what you need to know.
Why is it important to share your mental illness history with your partner?
Being open with your partner about mental illness can feel like a big step — maybe as big as introducing them to your family, or moving in together. And just like how meeting the parents and making a home are designed to bring you closer, sharing your mental health history can help deepen your bond, too. With that said, it’s understandable if you feel a little nervous (or extremely nervous) before you open up.
Keeping something as important as your mental health history private can sometimes create distance or lead to misunderstandings in the future, so it’s something you may want to handle with care.
Let’s say your partner notices you load the dishwasher a certain way, or that your mood seems to change when you see people arguing in public. If they don’t fully understand what’s behind your actions and emotions because they don’t know your mental health background, they might react in ways that feel frustrating or unsupportive.
But when you share the challenges you face, your coping strategies, and how your partner can support you, they can see the full picture of who you are and what you’ve been through. This can help them respond to your needs in ways that work for you, and share any feelings they have, too. In other words, it can bring you closer together. (These 100 questions can also help to deepen your relationship).
Talking about mental health openly is also a chance to normalize it within your relationship. Many people have navigated the difficulties of mental health (the World Health Organization says 1 in 4 adults will go through some mental health issues in their lives). By being open, you might create a safe space for your partner to share more about themselves, too.
When is the right time to tell your partner about your mental illness history?
So you’re getting closer with your partner and you want to be fully honest with them about who you are. How will you know when it’s the right time to share your mental illness history? Good question. Here are some tips to help you figure out when to share.
When you are comfortable with each other: Take time to get to know your partner. Once you feel a trusting bond, it’s a good sign you’re ready to have this conversation.
Before things get too serious: If you’re thinking about moving in together, getting engaged, becoming parents, or making other long-term plans, it’s a good idea to bring up your mental health history first. They’ll have the opportunity to understand any routines, treatments, or self-care habits that are part of your life and support you in them, which can help prevent misunderstandings or stress in the future.
When it comes up naturally in conversation: Sometimes the perfect moment just… happens. If your partner brings up mental health topics or you’re just chatting about your lives before you met, you might feel less pressured about it because the conversation’s flowing naturally. And if your partner begins to talk about their own challenges or experience with mental health, you’ll likely feel more comfortable sharing your own, too.
If your mental health affects your daily life together: It’s helpful to talk about things like therapy appointments, medications, or daily habits that support your mental health sooner rather than later. It means there’s less likely to be misunderstandings because you won’t feel like you need to be discreet or hide parts of yourself.
When you feel ready and prepared: Think about what you want to share and how you’d like to approach it. Being in a positive headspace can help you feel more at ease with the conversation, so if you’re nervous, try practicing with a trusted friend or writing down what you’d like to say so you can get comfortable with your thoughts.
How to reveal your mental illness history: 8 tips for sharing with your partner
Opening up about your mental health history can be intimidating, but these simple strategies can help create a safe space where conversations with your partner feel comfortable, authentic, and easier to navigate.
1. Think about what you want to share
You don’t have to share every detail or explain your entire history right away, just focus on what you think may help your partner understand you better. You might want to start by discussing your diagnosis, your symptoms, or things you’ve learned from past experiences. You can always share more when you feel ready.
2. Pick a calm, private setting
Choose a time and place where you both feel comfortable and won’t be interrupted, like at home or out on a walk together — somewhere that allows you to talk openly. The grocery store or a busy restaurant might not be the best place, but then again, if the time feels right, it feels right.
If you feel anxious, take some deep breaths or start with an opener like “I want to share something personal with you,” to help you begin.
3. Use “I” statements to keep things personal
Focus on your own experiences by using “I” statements to describe your feelings and needs. You might say, “I sometimes struggle with anxiety, so sometimes I need a little space to recharge.” This approach helps you share your personal journey without putting expectations on your partner or making them feel responsible.
💙 Get guidance from Jay Shetty on how to use “I” Statements.
4. Be open to their questions
Your partner might have questions to help them understand your experience better, or learn how to be there for you. Answer as openly as you feel comfortable, and try to make it a back-and-forth convo rather than just a one-way reveal.
It’s okay to say you don’t have all the answers, or you need time to think before responding — after all, they might have a new angle or ask you about something you’ve never considered before.
5. Share the ways you take care of yourself
Let your partner know you’re looking after yourself with self-care routines, therapy, medication or exercise to help you stay balanced, as this can help them feel less worried about how to support you.
Maybe there are some they’d like to join in with, like doing a meditation together or getting outside for a walk each day. Sharing activities is a great way to get closer too.
6. Set boundaries around what you feel comfortable discussing
It’s fine to keep some details private if you’re not ready to share yet, or the conversation starts feeling intense. Say something like, “I find that tough to talk about, so let’s do something else for a bit, and come back to it another time.”
💙 Explore how to set Boundaries with help from Tamara Levitt’s Relationship with Others Series.
7. Reassure your partner about the relationship
Not everyone has experience with mental health challenges, so your partner might not know how to respond. Tell them how much you appreciate being able to talk about mental health with them, both now and when they feel ready for more. If they see you’re coming to the chat from a place of trust, it can help them feel secure and valued.
8. Be patient and allow time for processing
After you’ve shared, your partner may need a little time to understand and think about what your mental health history means for your relationship. Needing space is a normal response, so respect for their feelings, and find ways to offer support moving forward.
When to tell partner mental illness history FAQs
Should I tell my partner about my mental illness right away?
While it can be tempting to share your whole mental health history when you begin a new relationship, it’s often helpful to wait til you’ve built some trust with each other, or it can feel overwhelming.
Get to know each other without feeling pressure, and once you feel there’s a solid bond and trust between you, you can start talking about your mental health history. It might come up very naturally in conversation, but if it doesn’t, find a way to share that feels right for you.
What should I do if my partner reacts negatively when I share my mental health history?
If your partner reacts negatively or uncertainly when you tell them about your mental health, it can feel discouraging. But it doesn’t always mean they won’t be supportive in the long run. Many people need time to understand mental health topics, especially if they don’t have personal experience or haven’t been around others with similar challenges.
Give your partner the space they need, and let them know you’re open to answering questions whenever they’re ready. Find a few resources—like articles or support guides—that feel like they resonate with your experience, and send them some links to read when they have the time and headspace.
Your partner’s initial reaction doesn’t define the future of your relationship, but if they struggle to accept or support you fully in the long term, reflect on it together and decide whether the relationship is right for you. Setting goals and expectations about what you both want is a healthy way to navigate it. (These 11 examples of relationship goals can help you get started).
How do I prepare myself emotionally before revealing my mental illness?
It’s easier to have a calm, honest conversation about mental illness with your partner if you’ve spent a little time preparing first.
Before you open up, think about your feelings and get comfortable with what you want to say.
Write down key points or practice what you want to share — this can help calm your nerves and boost your confidence.
Talk with a close friend or therapist beforehand to feel grounded and supported.
Remind yourself that your mental health history is an important part of who you are, and that understanding each other is important in a relationship.
Can keeping my mental illness a secret harm my relationship?
While it’s understandable to feel hesitant, hiding your mental health history might create unnecessary stress and distance.
Always feeling on guard because you’re worried about your partner finding out can add pressure that affects your relationship. Your partner might notice changes in your mood, energy, or behavior, which might upset the balance of your relationship if they don’t know the reason behind them.
Instead, be open — when you feel ready. It can relieve that pressure and allow you both to communicate honestly, so you can understand and support each other.
How do I respond if my partner needs time to process what I’ve shared about my mental health?
It’s normal for people to need a moment to process information about your mental health — especially if they’re new to mental health topics.
Give them time and space if they need it.
Reassure them that you’re there if they have questions or want to talk.
Let them know you appreciate their willingness to listen.
Be patient so they feel less pressured to respond.
Calm your mind. Change your life.
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