How to build confidence in kids: 8 tips for parents
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Explore why building confidence in kids matters, and the differences between confidence vs self-esteem. Plus, how to raise confident kids with 8 tips for parents.
Building confidence in kids is an important part of helping them grow into happy, successful adults. Confidence can affect every aspect of a child’s life, from their social skills to their resilience. Understanding and encouraging confidence and self-esteem can empower children to try new things, express their thoughts, and believe in their abilities.
8 tips to raise confident kids
1. Praise effort over outcome
Recognize and celebrate how hard your child is trying, rather than focusing only on the end result. This approach can show your child the value of persistence and effort, which can help develop a growth mindset. Praise the process and encourage them to keep trying and learning, regardless of whether they succeed.
2. Encourage risk-taking
Support your child when they try new activities or have new ideas, emphasizing that it’s okay to fail. This encouragement can help them learn that failure can be an important step toward success. Create a safe environment where they can test their limits and learn from mistakes without fear of criticism. For example, if they hesitate to join a new club, you might encourage them by saying, "Give it a try! You might really enjoy it or make new friends. If it doesn’t work out, that’s okay too!"
3. Model confidence
Display confidence in your daily actions and decisions to show how you handle challenges and setbacks with resilience. Share your thought process when you make decisions or solve problems, as this shows them it's normal to feel uncertain sometimes. Modeling what confidence looks like in real life can teach children to face difficulties with positivity.
4. Set achievable goals
Help your child set realistic, attainable goals to help build their sense of achievement and self-worth. Break down large goals into smaller, manageable steps and track progress together on a chart. Celebrate mini victories to help reinforce their belief in themselves.
5. Teach problem-solving skills
Guide your child to think through challenges and develop their own solutions rather than rushing to solve problems for them. This can help enhance their decision-making and critical-thinking skills, and promote independence. Start with simple problems at home or with homework and discuss possible solutions together.
6. Encourage expressions of opinion
Invite your child to share their thoughts and opinions on a variety of subjects. Show genuine interest in what they say, and follow their suggestions whenever you can to show their views are valued.
7. Provide unconditional support
Show your child unwavering love and support, regardless of their successes or failures. Allowing them to explore their abilities and interests freely can help them develop confidence. Remind your child that you love them for who they are, not just their achievements.
8. Promote social interactions
Encourage your child to participate in group activities like sports, clubs, or playdates to help them build communication skills, understand social cues, and boost their confidence in relating to others. Discuss their experiences, focusing on what they enjoyed and learned while interacting with others.
Why does confidence matter in childhood?
Confidence is important as children grow and develop because it helps shape how they view themselves and interact with the world around them. When children feel confident, they’re more likely to engage in social activities, try new things, and face challenges with positivity. Nurturing confidence in children can empower them to explore their potential, handle setbacks with resilience, and develop into well-rounded, capable young adults.
1. Encourages learning and curiosity: Confident children are often more curious and open to learning. They might be less afraid to ask questions and seek out new information.
2. Improves social skills: Confidence can help children make friends more easily and interact comfortably with their peers, which can lead to healthier relationships and better communication skills.
3. Builds resilience: Confident kids are more likely to see difficult situations as opportunities to learn and grow, rather than as insurmountable obstacles.
4. Promotes independence and leadership: Confident children are more likely to make decisions. This can develop into leadership skills as they grow older.
5. Supports mental health: Children with healthy confidence might generally be happier and less likely to experience feelings of helplessness or depression. Confidence can help them feel more secure in their abilities and more open to new experiences.
Confidence vs. self-esteem: what's the difference?
Though confidence and self-esteem are related, they’re different aspects of a child’s psychological makeup, and they influence their behavior and outlook in different ways.
Confidence is the belief a child has in their abilities to complete a task or face a particular situation, and it can vary depending on the context. For example, a child might feel confident in their math skills but less so in their athletic abilities.
Self-esteem, on the other hand, reflects how much children value themselves and feel worthy, regardless of their abilities or the outcomes they achieve. High self-esteem means accepting and feeling good about themselves, regardless of successes or others’ opinions.
1. Foundations: Confidence can lead to trying new things and taking on challenges because it's tied to a child’s belief in their abilities in specific areas. However, self-esteem is how worthy and valuable a child feels, which can influence their overall happiness and satisfaction with life.
2. Mindset: A child with high confidence in a task can approach it with enthusiasm and persistence, often leading to better performance. However, a child with high self-esteem may approach life's challenges with positivity and feeling worthy of good outcomes, which can support positive mental and emotional health.
3. Development: Confidence can be built through experiences and successes in various tasks or activities. Teaching skills, providing encouragement, and celebrating small achievements can boost a child's confidence. Self-esteem grows from broader support, such as unconditional love, acceptance from family and friends, and how valued they feel, regardless of their achievements.
4. Likeliness to change: Confidence can fluctuate more based on recent successes or failures in particular areas. Self-esteem can typically be more stable but can be influenced by prolonged experiences of failure or negative feedback in multiple areas of life.
How to create a supportive environment for growth: 8 tips
A supportive environment can help nurture confidence and self-esteem in children to help them feel secure and loved. It can also encourage them to explore their abilities and face challenges with resilience and optimism.
1. Maintain open communication
Encourage conversations in your family where everyone feels safe to express their thoughts and feelings. This openness can help children feel heard and valued, reinforcing their self-worth.
💙 Lead by example with Kind Communication, which can go a long way when interacting with your children.
2. Validate their emotions
Acknowledge and respect your child's feelings, even if they seem trivial or are difficult to understand. This validation can help teach them it's okay to feel a range of emotions, and that they have a safe space to explore these feelings.
💙 Explore Labeling Emotions, both yours and your child’s, to help everyone involved understand their emotions a little better.
3. Set realistic expectations
Set achievable standards for your children based on their age, abilities, and personality. Unrealistic expectations can lead to unnecessary pressure and disappointment, which can undermine their confidence.
💙 Set realistic Expectations for your kids, but don’t forget to set them for yourself, too.
4. Provide consistent support and guidance
Show consistent interest and involvement in your child’s activities. Offer help and guidance when needed, but allow them space to try things on their own and learn from their experiences.
💙 Learn about the importance of Supportive Listening from Jay Shetty.
5. Encourage routine and structure
A predictable routine can bring security and control. Help your child develop a schedule that balances school, hobbies, social time, and rest. Maintaining this structure can help enhance their ability to manage responsibilities and reduce anxiety.
💙 Try adding meditation, like this one to Feel Rooted and Strong with Rapunzel, to your kids daily routine to bring balance to their day.
6. Allow independence
Encourage your child to take on tasks and responsibilities appropriate for their age. This might be picking out their clothes, helping with chores, or managing a small personal project. These responsibilities can build their skills and increase their confidence in handling life's tasks.
7. Celebrate their efforts and successes
Celebrate their hard work along the way to achievements. This recognition can boost their motivation and self-esteem, reinforcing the value of hard work and persistence.
💙 Follow along with Mel Mah’s Let’s Celebrate session to inspire you and your child to move your bodies as a way of celebrating, like jumping for joy or dancing in the living room.
8. Cultivate a positive home environment
Create a positive atmosphere where encouragement and optimism are the standard. Positive reinforcement and constructive feedback are more effective in building self-worth than criticism or negativity.
How to build confidence in kids FAQs
What makes a child lack confidence?
A child might lack confidence for various reasons, including receiving negative feedback, lacking encouragement, or having few opportunities to succeed. Being compared with others can also have a negative impact. Children who don’t learn how to overcome challenges may develop a fear of trying new things. Provide a supportive environment to encourage trying and learning, rather than winning or achieving.
What activities help shyness in children?
Activities that gently encourage interaction can help shy children become more confident. Group activities where children work together toward a common goal — like team sports or the school band — can be particularly effective. Classes that focus on personal expression — such as drama or art — can allow shy children to express themselves in safe, structured environments. Over time, these activities reduce feelings of shyness and help children build confidence in social settings.
How can I help my child be confident but not overconfident?
To help your child maintain a healthy balance of confidence and humility, teach them to value others' opinions and feelings as much as their own. Encourage them to listen and to consider other perspectives in their decision-making processes. Help them set realistic goals and acknowledge the effort and teamwork in achieving success. This approach can help prevent overconfidence and encourage well-roundedness.
How early should I start working on building my child’s confidence?
It's never too early to start building confidence. Even toddlers can benefit from positive reinforcement and encouragement. For young children, simple activities like playing interactive games, reading together, and letting them make choices (like picking out clothes) can boost their sense of independence and self-confidence. Adjust your approach as they develop and their needs change.
Can extracurricular activities help in building a child's confidence?
Extracurricular activities can help boost a child's confidence by providing opportunities to learn new skills, interact with peers, and achieve goals outside of school. Activities such as art, sports, and tech, can help children discover their interests and strengths, and develop a sense of belonging and achievement.
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