What is a narcissist? How to spot common signs of narcissism
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Explore what a narcissist is and the differences between narcissism vs narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Plus, 10 signs someone may be a narcissist or have NPD.
Narcissism is a word that gets thrown around a lot. You might hear it in the news, or you might hear someone you know bemoaning that their friend/family member or ex-partner was a narcissist. While many people can exhibit narcissistic behavior, not all people are narcissists. At healthy levels, a certain type of self-focus and importance can lead to positive self-image and confidence, at unhealthy levels this behavior can affect relationships negatively.
This type of behavior can also manifest as narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), a serious mental health condition characterized by an overwhelming need for admiration, a profound lack of empathy for others, and an exaggerated sense of one's own importance.
What is narcissism?
Narcissism refers to a set of personality traits that include an excessive focus on yourself, your appearance, and how you’re perceived by others. Excessive narcissism can morph into a condition called narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). NPD is characterized by a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, as well as lack of empathy for others, which may cause troubled relationships. It’s an unhealthy pattern of behavior that affects all aspects of your life, including work, family, and social relationships.
It's important to understand that while everyone may show narcissistic behavior from time to time, it does not necessarily mean they have NPD. Normal levels of self-interest or pride in one's achievements are healthy and necessary for emotional development. However, when these traits are exaggerated to the point of affecting your overall functioning and relationships, it may be a sign of a deeper issue.
Narcissism vs. narcissistic personality disorder
Narcissism and NPD represent different points on a spectrum of self-focused behavior, but it's important to distinguish between the two. Narcissism refers to characteristics that everyone exhibits to some degree, including confidence, self-assurance, and the ability to lead others. On the other hand, NPD is a recognized mental health condition that involves a pattern of extreme and debilitating behavior. People with NPD tend to have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, and a lack of empathy.
The key difference between narcissism as a trait and NPD as a disorder lies in the intensity and consistency of the behaviors. While typical narcissistic traits can be seen in many people without significant impact on their functionality or relationships, NPD affects almost all areas of a person's life, impairing their ability to maintain healthy personal and professional relationships. While narcissism might relate to a particular context or occasion, the patterns seen in NPD are persistent and pervasive and often require professional intervention for improvement.
5 signs that someone might be a narcissist
These traits are not necessarily indicative of a disorder but can provide insight into narcissistic behavior that may appear in day-to-day interactions.
Seeking admiration and validation: Frequently looking for compliments and positive feedback to boost self-esteem
Obsessing over fantasies of success: Often daydreaming about massive success, perfect relationships, or idealized versions of life
Feeling special and unique: Believing that they’re special and should only associate with other high-status people or institutions
Using others for personal gain: Manipulating situations or people to serve their own interests without guilt
Reacting negatively to criticism: Displaying excessive sensitivity to criticism or perceived slights, which may lead to brief periods of anger or resentment
5 signs that someone may have narcissistic personality disorder
A diagnosis of NPD looks at persistent and severe patterns of behavior that have a significant impact on multiple areas of a person’s life.
Persistent grandiosity: A long-term pattern of exaggerated self-importance and an expectation to be recognized as superior, even without achievements that back up that belief
Manipulative behavior: Regularly exploiting others to achieve personal goals with little or no regard for the wellbeing of those used
Lack of empathy: Demonstrating a sustained inability to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others, leading to significant interpersonal issues
Envy and arrogance: Displaying jealousy toward others' achievements and success or a belief that others are envious of them, coupled with overt arrogance
Need for excessive admiration: A continuous requirement for excessive attention and admiration
How narcissism can impact relationships
Narcissism, particularly when it escalates into NPD, can have profound — and often detrimental — effects on our relationships. Understanding how these traits influence our interactions can help us manage relationships more effectively.
Romantic relationships
Narcissism can create significant challenges in romantic partnerships. People with narcissistic traits or NPD may struggle with empathy, making it hard for them to recognize the needs and feelings of their partners. They may also demand constant attention and admiration which can lead to an imbalance. If left unaddressed, this often results in conflicts and can strain the relationship to the point of breakup.
Workplace dynamics
In the workplace, narcissistic people may be driven to achieve positions of power or influence. If the person has other skills, this can sometimes lead to effective leadership, but often it creates problems when the need for constant praise and recognition interferes with teamwork and cooperation. Narcissists may take credit for others' work, push their ideas aggressively, or undermine colleagues. This behavior can disrupt the workplace environment and lead to conflicts with coworkers and management.
Family relationships
Parents with narcissistic traits may have unrealistic expectations of their children or view them as extensions of themselves rather than as individuals with their own identities. This can place a heavy emotional burden on children and affect their psychological development. Similarly, narcissistic siblings or relatives may dominate family interactions, making family gatherings tense and uncomfortable for everyone involved.
How to interact with people who exhibit narcissistic behaviors
1. Set and maintain clear boundaries to protect your wellbeing: This helps protect your emotional wellbeing and sets clear rules for what is and isn't acceptable behavior.
💙 Learn how to establish Boundaries to protect your peace around challenging people.
2. Communicate clearly and assertively: Avoid emotional responses and stick to facts and practical implications of behaviors.
💙 Explore Calm’s session on Deeper Communication to build trust, clarity, and openness in your conversations with others.
3. Seek professional support to avoid feeling emotionally drained and isolated: Therapists, counselors, or support groups can provide relief and additional strategies for handling the situation.
💙 Make time for the Emotions Check-In meditation to help you understand how you’re feeling.
What is a narcissist? FAQs
How is narcissistic personality disorder diagnosed?
Narcissistic personality disorder is diagnosed by mental health professionals using a specific set of criteria. The diagnosis typically involves a thorough clinical assessment that includes interviews with the patient and often feedback from close relationships. Key diagnostic criteria include persistent patterns of grandiosity, the need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. The assessment might also involve discussing the person’s history to understand how long and how consistently these behaviors have been present. It’s important to note that NPD is diagnosed only when these traits cause significant impairment in personal, social, or occupational situations and are consistent across various contexts.
Can narcissism or NPD be treated, and if so, how?
Yes, narcissism and NPD can be treated, primarily through psychotherapy. Treatment methods can include cognitive behavioral therapy, which helps people recognize and change harmful thinking and behavior patterns, and psychodynamic therapy, which addresses the underlying unconscious and emotional issues that contribute to their condition. While medications are not used to treat NPD directly, they may be prescribed to help with symptoms of depression or anxiety that often accompany this disorder. It's important for treatment to be tailored to the person and to understand that progress can be slow. Encouraging consistent engagement in therapy and building a therapeutic relationship based on trust and respect are key for effective treatment.
What causes someone to develop narcissistic traits or NPD?
The development of narcissistic traits or NPD is believed to be caused by a complex interplay of genetic, environmental, and psychological factors. Genetically, people may inherit personality traits from their parents that predispose them to narcissism. Environmentally, early life experiences such as extremely high expectations, or severe emotional abuse can contribute to the development of NPD. Psychological factors include temperament and the ability to handle stress or trauma. It’s often a combination of these factors that leads to the development of narcissistic traits or NPD.
How can I set boundaries with a narcissistic person?
Setting boundaries with narcissistic people involves clear communication of your limits and consistent enforcement of these limits. It’s important to decide what behaviors you’re not willing to tolerate and communicate these to narcissistic people in a clear, direct, and calm manner. You should also be prepared to stick to these boundaries and not negotiate them away under pressure. Consistency is key, as changing your limits can send mixed signals. It’s also helpful to have a support system or seek professional advice to ensure you can maintain these boundaries effectively.
Are there any positive aspects to narcissistic traits?
While narcissism is often viewed negatively, certain aspects of narcissistic traits can be beneficial if they aren’t excessive. For example, healthy levels of confidence can contribute to personal and professional success. Many narcissistic people exhibit high levels of ambition and drive, which can lead to effective leadership when balanced with empathy and consideration for others. The key is for these traits to remain within healthy limits and not have a negative impact on others.
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